Anti-Suicide Note by Judekelvin Igbonekwu


Anti-Suicide Note

                       – and in it all, to rethink the rope – 

suicide, an end to the misery
but if you must, do it with the eyes closed
and a piece of music in the ear,
humming through the heart a tune of fine sound,
echoing the exact need for life.
the tune in the music asks?
the change in this rhythm of the music
the reason for the choice, death –
the choice for the rope.
leap forward and drink the potion, with the antidote
on the one hand, let it find the inner life and takes it
now the antidote the mediator on the need for life
as the mouth gasp for air a reminder the ___________
not ours, the always forgotten phrase. ___life to take___
have a loaded gun cocked, do it with a piece lecture on suicide
play to learn, as the bullet pierces through the skin and hits the skull
and the blood spill-proof of suicide, still pointing a loaded gun?
cocked deep with burning anger,
see the faces of the fallen from shots fired
the horror in the face is imminent, hereafter it lies ever lone
the shatter of the skull and the brain, in it, are litters of memories
the memories, our loved ones.
our loved ones, grieving a labeled loss.
the head carries too many loaded worries amongst it is life
and it holds many memories,
and it rethinks a tune of an end life and in it all …


Author’s note:

“Suicide Note” the poem, was inspired by the death of Avicii (Tim Bergling) and Sparklehorse (Mark Linkous). Avicii had the most aspiring life, one to be envied by many his age, he had almost whatever he wanted. But the question remains, the reason for taking his own life. Was it depression, or loss of motives, was there any question; the purpose of life? These are some of the things that we cannot answer, the need for this act of suicide? We learnt during his life, he struggled with thoughts about meaning, life happiness. He could not go on any longer. He wanted to find peace. Avicii’s body was found on April 20th in Muscat, Oman.

These words from the artist Mark Linkous, better known as Sparklehorse (September 9, 1962 – March 6, 2010) “Well, it made me notice a lot more. It made me be a little more perceptive to small things, more, after that, I think. You know? People, babies, animals, insects. Things like that.” This was after his attempted suicide, he died for two minutes while on tour In the “eyepennies” of his song, we can relate his ideal purpose for life.

He was one of the most soulful artists of his time, how he places immortality in his song, a modest and self-deprecating figure, Linkous left an indelible mark on alternative and indie rock. The poem “Anti-Suicide Note” centres on the reason; this act of taking one’s life. It is meant to end the prevalence of suicide among young people, it is a poem to heal the depression that we bear in a careful mindful way.

©2020 Judekelvin Igbonekwu


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Chukwuebuka Igbonekwu hails from the Eastern part of Nigeria, Enugu State, and currently resides in the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja. As an emerging writer, he hopes to change the landscape of African literature. His works have appeared or are forthcoming in Blognostic, the Writtentales Journal, and on Medium where his work “A Beautiful Mind” a lecture on how to read and understand poetry, can be found. He is currently working on his first novel.


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