Inside / Outside by Andrew Scott
Part I – Outside
Looking out my morning window,
coffee in hand, I see another sunrise.
You can almost feel the heat
that will be shared during the day.
Someday I will leave this home
to go outside to absorb it.
Today may look to be that day.
I have been in this home for over a year.
Since the day of my release
from a small room in a smaller clinic.
The episode they called it
that brought me here
was actually a lot of pills
that were taken to end everything.
There were a lot of pressures.
My mind focused on that.
Struggling personally, professionally.
A separation that was not wanted
from a lady I did not want to talk too.
Hiding in a job that was self-crucifying,
watching people get what I deserved.
Cannot even discuss the debt
provided from not controlling
real world expenses.
It all got to me
with no one way to make it stop.
Felt that there was nowhere to go
and only one way to get there.
Now the world is different it seems,
changes happen each second
and not positive I am ready
to see what is outside.
Part II – Space
The thing about not wanting
to leave my humble abode
is I know this space
and what to expect from it.
Out there I never knew what to expect.
People have become so judgy
of things in this world.
They do not understand
Learned from new commentary
that if you have a thought
and it does not match the normal
then a person is badgered beyond.
Even when the shouters do not
know the person or the story.
Sadly these people do not cause all the stress.
It is the folks that i know from before.
The ones that vanished when times changed.
A few did show support
but I did not know these people.
Friends disappeared, shocking.
The unpredictability of all
is what frightens my soul the most.
This shelter saves me
in this space my story is safe
not ripped apart from half facts.
Gives me the shakes to share outside.
Part III – Fire
What I am seeing and reading
in the news keeps the door shut.
My little city has turned
into an explosive fire.
All the things that were once hidden
from everyone’s eyes and senses
have come bubbling up for all to see.
Daily, young teenagers and adults
have gone missing
only to reappear after a few weeks.
Rumours persist they are either
running drugs and taking them.
The ones that do not come back
are found taken away in the woods,
laying there lifeless from an exchange.
Out of our communities backyards
trucks and cars are being stolen
for the goods that are inside.
There are break-ins everywhere now
even in the shadow of the daylight.
All of this did not happen before.
Sure it all makes everyone
wish to stay inside, doors locked.
Positive I am not the only one.
Part IV – Water
One of the things I do miss
is the calming sound of running water.
I what now seems like a former life
I used to hike in the woods
and follow the streams.
The sound brought a lot of serenity
to any troubles that may
be laying there is my soul.
A camera was always with me,
trying to capture the beauty.
I never quite did.
A person would have to be there
to truly see and feel.
Even when I broke a bone
I still found a way to get out.
A damaged foot could not stop me
from taking it all in.
Now I have the running water
from filling a bathtub.
It is not the same,
not even close
however the real thins
still cannot lure me
to the outside.
Part V – Air
The air in here can get stiff.
I open the windows
to let the fresh in and tale out.
In the morning, I have coffee
in a fenced in porch.
On rain days it is quite soothing.
My shelter here has everything
so I can stay here safe
from the outside world.
No one but me to see a limp
and the loss of weight.
the colour of my skin.
It is best I stay here.
the air is something I recognize.
Keeps me safe from the dark outside.
Maybe the venture will happen
however today I will stay inside.
February 1, 2020
© Andrew Scott – Just A Maritime Boy 2020
Andrew Scott is a native of Fredericton, NB. During his time as an active poet, Andrew Scott has taken the time to speak in front of a classrooms, judge poetry competitions as well as be published worldwide in such publications as The Art of Being Human, Battered Shadows and The Broken Ones. His books, Snake With A Flower, The Phoenix Has Risen, The Path, The Storm Is Coming and Through My Eyes are available now. Searching is his fifth poetry collection.