No Time for Love Doctor by John Patrick Robbins
“I don’t fucking understand it you’re perfectly fine.”
Frank had to laugh at the fact that his doctor seemed slightly unhappy his patient wasn’t on the verge of death.
“You drink like a fish you eat like shit and yet there’s nothing wrong with you, I exercise everyday watch my diet yet still I got high blood pressure.”
“I’m telling you doc it’s all a crapshoot that and the only thing I’m ever going to go running after is a skirt.”
Frank had known doctor Miller awhile at one time he had him on meds for everything.
From pills for a bad gut to antidepressants.
Course that’s when he was married to Susan.
“You’re not human is all I can say kid, but watch the drinking anyways .”
“Hey doc I have others watch my drinking for me every night at the bar so no worries there.”
Doctor Miller just shook his head.
He had long given up on Frank but still he marveled at what kept him going.
He lived a life that would bury most twenty year olds yet here he was in his forties and wasn’t showing any signs of slowing down.
“You know men who are married are proven to live longer lives.”
“Well boredom does take awhile to kill you my friend.”
Doc Miller just shook his head and laughed.
Arguing with a professional smartass was pointless he always had a retort for anything he had to say.
“You know sometimes I wonder why you even come in for these checkups, aside from the prostate exam.”
Now it was Frank who was laughing.
“Hey you know sometimes even I hit a dry spell there captain.”
“What the escorts all form a union and go on strike?”
“Hey don’t give them ideas besides it gets pricey and you know sometimes I’m a sucker for a balding dude with a stethoscope.”
Doc Miller had to crack up with that one.
And as he bid farewell to one of his most interesting patients.
And watched as he hit on everything with a vagina and pulse in his way exiting his office.
Old doc Miller realized it was never his patients physical health that was the issue.
But if he could only view into that skull he would probably see a vision that would make Sigmund Freud roll over in his grave.
Writers were a different breed altogether and Frank was a mental patient let loose upon society.
A bartender’s best friend and a walking punchline who somehow talked others into coming along for the ride.
Doctor Miller had many patients but none as strange as the one known as Frank Murphy.
Sometimes he had to wonder had he been dropped on his head as a child.
But then again that would have only hurt the floor itself.
Miller locked his door and poured a drink.
Then looked at his chart and realized he had that Stucky kid to attend to next.
Probably had another dose of the clap.
Miller thought back to his own childhood and wished he hadn’t enjoyed playing doctor so much with his next door neighbor .
But much like Frank when it came to drinking and chasing ass.
He was a natural.
Next patient please.
©2018 John Patrick Robbins
John Patrick Robbins is often referred to as an outlaw poet, whose work is a glimpse into life’s darker side and often barroom based. He is also the author of two books, “A Cold Beer Beats A Warm Heart” from Alien Buddha Press, and “Smoking At The Gas Pumps” from Soma Publishing. His work his been published with Ariel Chart, The Mojave River Review, Inbetween Hangover, The Red Fez, Spill The Words, Ramingo’s Porch, Your One Phone Call, The Outlaw Poetry Network, Horror Sleaze Trash, Blue Pepper, Drinkers Only. He is also the editor in chief of The Rye Whiskey Review and Under The Bleachers. His work is always a hundred percent unfiltered.