Writing I Love You In The Clouds

by Neil Chatterton

Shimmering across the sun drenched sky
Reaching out
Finding each other
In unfamiliar poses.
Gentle whispers
A bed stripped bare
Innocence like a fresh Spring breeze
Floats through an open window
You caress my soul
Your fingers tracing the moans along my lips
Mesmerizing me.

I succumb to this moment of love.
A love built on an invisible longing,
Imaginative glances during a busy day,
Teeth gently caressing the tip of a pencil.

Giggles that echo throughout those ‘Great Halls’,
Heads turning, searching for you.

But we will not share this feeling.
Keys exchanged.
Erudite memories,
Dance for us
Like silhouettes encircled by flames of passion.

And therein lies the rub.

©Neil Chatterton 2011

One thought on “Writing I Love You In The Clouds by Neil Chatterton

  1. A sophisticated poem; the fresh images work like a paintbrush and palette drawing new, creative pictures on a canvas, while the delightful use of sound devices, particularly the assonance in the line, “Shimmering across the sun-drenched sky,” which is subtly picked up again, with you always in control, in the simile comparing “Innocence” to a bed stripped bare, as if waiting to be covered by something or someone or maybe after being covered, a teasing question which masterfully leads into “the fresh spring breeze” and more intricate rewards with your clever use of sound; which I am not overwhelmingly aware of; it is just enough to be pleasing to the ear. I think the “teeth caressing the tip of the pencil” is really the most erotic image for several reasons; be assured, it works! A brilliant poem Neil; it gives pleasure in its form and fresh insights in its statement,
    The final image of “silhouettes” and “flames” is so powerful Neil, I wonder if you really need to say they were “flames of passion.”
    It is up to you but my sense is that the end could stand on its own without using the word “passion” as the compression in the rest of the poem is so perfect that it almost sounds prosaic to tell me. Definetely in the top five! Enjoyed immensely! willow

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